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...the fat kid wins again... [29 Jun 2004|01:02pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I had a bet with my boss, where he would buy me lunch if I could eat a 1 pound burger from Fuddruckers, and I would have to pay for the lunch if I didn't.

Well today we went, and of course, I came through in the clutch. =)

My motivating factor was him telling me "You know I would of told everyone at work if you couldn't do it"

Damn I feel really fat right now.

welcome to camp

...how to get beat... [28 Jun 2004|11:58pm]
[ mood | amused ]

So as everyone is aware, I'm not exactly a big/built kid and there's a few people at work who joke around with me about it...

Walt (Receiving Manager) - about 5'11, 6'0, 250-300 lbs
Dennis (Carpets Manager) - about 6'3, 6'4, 300 or so

Now when I first get to work, I usually joke with Walt/Dennis about fighting them and whatnot. I can usually get Walt to take a few swings at me (jokingly), and sometimes Dennis chases me with his gut (which is hilarious to watch).

So today's going along like a normal day, I push Walt once or twice to get him wound up, etc.

This time he gets completely amped, and he's like "That's it, we're gonna go" and picks me up over his head. Dennis comes over, Walt puts me back down on the ground, and the two of them crush me between them. I laugh while trying to gasp for breath, while Pat (Domestics Manager) and her daughter Jamie both laugh as well.

Walt 1 - Toby 0

Walt walks back into his office for a few minutes, and when he comes back, I yell "Hey Walt, you wanna go again, Round 2?" He laughs at me, and says something about me just asking for a beating. We get into a wrestling match (I was trying to grapple him to even have a chance), but he puts me into a headlock and grabs my one leg. As a last ditch effort, I grab his leg, but he just pulls me off of him (giving me a huge brushburn on my arm), and throws me on the floor. He then literally pins me on the ground, and claims another victory.

Walt 2 - Toby 0

He eventually lets me up, and I laugh and walk around the back a little. I show Pat my brushburn, and she says like "Awww, Walt, look what you did to him." She walks over to her daughter, and asks her if she saw it. I show her, and Jamie says "Haha, you asked for it."

Jamie walks away, and Pat laughs and says "I can't believe she said that, she's usually so quiet, I was shocked *laughs*"

A few minutes later I grab a piece of Hot Wheels track (the flimsy plastic tracks that you can shoot the cars on, etc), and I smack Walt 2 or 3 times with it in the arm. He's like "Dude, that's it." and grabs the golf club from inside his office. I move some soda pallets in the way, and run away from him. He starts swinging at the track piece I'm holding, so I got him to call a truce with me for the day.

I go back to pricing the stuff I was supposed to, and Dennis comes back into the stockroom. He's walking next to me, and Gard/Walt are laughing about me getting beat, and Walt tells Dennis that him and I made a truce for the day. Dennis says "He didn't make a truce with me" and grabs me from behind in a huge bearhug, and picks me up in the air. I was dying for air, and everyone was cracking up like crazy.

Dennis 1 - Toby 0

The best part about all of this, was that all of this happened in about the first hour, hour and a half of my work shift.

What a great day (but maybe not as fun as tomorrow is going to be)....

welcome to camp

...the drowning mystery solved... [26 Jun 2004|11:01am]
First a Dean story from last night, then the shocking conclusion to something that happened to me last year.

The Severe Storm Warning

So Gard (one of my managers), Dean, and I were in the back when one of those Severe Storm Warnings came over the radio.

Gard : "Dean, run, we're all gonna die"
"If we were gonna die, I'd go out there and rape the hottest chick out there.

*Everyone laughs, Dean walks to the compactor*

--That's Dean for ya
Gard : "It's nice to see we have a rapist working for us"
--We have the best employees here, can't you tell?

*Dean comes back*

"Yeah man, if there were 15 minutes left, I'd go out there and rape the hottest woman in the store. But then out of my luck, they'd say 'It was just a warning' and my ass would be off in jail. And then I'd have to walk around and say stuff like 'Hey Bubba'"

And now for the drowning mystery...

Last year, when I went to the dentist, the hygenist cleaned my teeth for me instead of the actual dentist. Right when I sat down, she asked me if she could use a water pick, because it would be easier or something like that. I said sure, and she put one of those sucker things in my mouth to keep the water out. She's cleaning away, stabbing me in the mouth, etc, and the sucker thing slowly stops working. So now I'm laying back in the dentist chair with a mouthful of bloody water, trying to swallow some of it so I have a chance of breathing. I manage to get a headache from swallowing blood-water (too much Iron), and eventually she asks me if I need to spit out. I manage to nod my head yes, and I was saved. Her only comment was "I guess the suction got stuck or something." and she changed back to a normal cleaning thing.

Last night at work, I was talking to Gard, and I told him that he needed to call the radio station and get them to play something different for once. He laughed, and said that his wife was the person who cleans the teeth of the DJ for Hawk 99.9 (whatever DJ was on at the time.) So I walk away, and I was thinking to myself, what are the odds that she works around here.

The next time I see him in the back, I ask him what dentist she works for, and he says "Dr. Heckenberger". My reponse was "Dude, this is serious, your wife tried to drown me before." I tell him the story, and he tells me "The next time she comes in, I'll introduce you two, and you can make this face" and he starts shaking and acting like he's drowning in a chair.

What a small world.
welcome to camp

...the magic of the carpet department... [23 Jun 2004|11:05pm]
I'm pricing stuff in the back, and I hear Dean get paged into carpets like 3 times (It's only me and him working the floor).

*Dean comes walking back into the stock room*
"The next fuckin page for carpets is yours, I don't care who they call"
--Oh no Dean, if they page you, you're going, I don't care *smirk*
"I bet you are buddy, I was just there, and some lady wanted the 10th throw rug in the stack...

(the way our throw rugs are set up, there's like stacks of 20-30 laying flat on a stand, where if you want one that's not on the top, you have to go through this huge stack of rugs to get to the one you want)

...so I was digging through, and eventually get to the one they wanted. They get to the front, and then they page me, because there was a fucking cut in it. They come back, and decide they want the second one from the bottom, so I was digging through forever, and now my back is fucking killing me."
*Dean sits down on a stack of boxes, while I walk away to compact the empties from what I was working on*
*I come back like 5 minutes later, and he's still sitting there*

--You a little tired there buddy? Taking a break?
"Yeah, they need to put your ass in carpets, you're younger then I am."
"It's ok though, because when she was leaning over, I could see her boobies. Nice firm boobies"
*Dean motions on his chest like he has firm boobs, and I start rolling on the floor laughing*

Once again, Dean rules the day.
welcome to camp

...behold! the power of the sun... [21 Jun 2004|10:28pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Before my work story for the day, everyone can check out the cool 7" I got in the mail.
(If the pic doesn't work I'll fix it later)


I'm putting away CD cases when a lady comes up behind me with a calculator.
"Excuse me, why won't this calculator clear when I press the clear button?"
*she keeps pressing the button while talking to me*
--Because the numbers that are on there now are just part of the plastic case
"Ohh..ohhh...ohhh...ohhh...ohh" (Honestly she repeated that like 10 times while I continued what I was doing)
*2 minutes later*
"This calculator (same one) says that it's solar powered, but it also takes batteries. Why is that?"
--Uh, because if it's too dark in the room that you're using it in, the solar power won't work, and then the batteries are needed"
"I see....I see....yeah....yeah..."

welcome to camp

...best/plan/ever... [20 Jun 2004|10:55pm]
[ mood | happy ]

holiday d m b: wtfiswiththenoiseoutsidemywindow
BiteToBreakSkinn: sorry
BiteToBreakSkinn: i'll keep it down
holiday d m b: no it sounds like a shovel on the road
BiteToBreakSkinn: the funny part is, now that you have wireless internet, it really COULD be me
holiday d m b: OH SHIT!
BiteToBreakSkinn: lol
BiteToBreakSkinn: one of these days, i'm gonna do it
holiday d m b: =-O:-X
BiteToBreakSkinn: it'd be great
BiteToBreakSkinn: i'll tap on your window
BiteToBreakSkinn: and talk to you online at the same time
BiteToBreakSkinn: and you'll be like wtf is that noise
holiday d m b: LOL
holiday d m b: i would too
BiteToBreakSkinn: i know :-D
BiteToBreakSkinn: and then i'd make weird scratching noises
BiteToBreakSkinn: or howling or osmething
BiteToBreakSkinn: and freak you out
holiday d m b: lol
BiteToBreakSkinn: and then get the cops called on me cause i'm gonna do it at like 1am
holiday d m b: LOL
BiteToBreakSkinn: "we had a report of some sort of bright light outside your window and a guy"
BiteToBreakSkinn: "yeah, that's my friend playing with his laptop"
BiteToBreakSkinn: :blank stare:
holiday d m b: deargodi'mgonnadielaughing

welcome to camp

...happy father's day... [20 Jun 2004|10:10pm]
Father's Day celebration:

Woke up at 12, called Dad to come pick me up whenever he was ready (on his sweet ass motorcycle).
He gets here, him and my mom talk about my busted ass car and what we're gonna do with the broken car.

Mom : So later, we'll bring it over to your house
Dad : Why, I don't want it there, I have enough cars there
Mom : Well we don't want it here either
Dad : Well what makes you so fuckin special? (said jokingly)

I hop on the back of Dad's bike, and we're off (rocking out to Van Halen, which brings back memories, because before I turned 16, when he drove me home in his 'Vette, we used to always listen to the same tape)

We rode around for maybe like a half hour, and then swung by my grandparents house. My grandpop was home, so we went inside, and talked to him for a little. Afterwards, we went to a diner for lunch (paid for by me). I wanted to go someplace better, but he laughed and said that the little shithole diner was good enough.

So we hung out there for a while, talked, and he made me get real food for lunch (as opposed to my usual hamburger/cheeseburger at everyplace I go out to eat).

Then we came back to my house, he dropped me off, and I layed around the rest of the day, as well as made a "backup" copy of some movies.

And on a side note:

holiday d m b: you're totally my hero

Damn right =)
welcome to camp

...starting over... [19 Jun 2004|08:03pm]
[ mood | tired ]

So I decided to use my journal as a journal again. The website that I own/have, whatever you want to call it, will be put to good use soon, as I'm currently working on making a ______ ;-)

Stories from work today:

First of all, the backstory for Dean. He's this cool as hell older guy (45) who's the Food Department manager, and he is probably the horniest dude I've ever met. ALL day he asks if I saw "the legs on that one, the ass on that one, etc". BUT he has some funny ass stories too.

Dean : The orgy story

"Have you ever been to an orgy?"
"There's a crazy amount of naked guys and women there man...You gotta watch out though, cause you might get smacked in the face with a dick."
* I start laughing my ass off *
"My buddy went once, and he said that he was doing some chick, and out of nowhere he got smacked in the face with a dick."

Dean : The 72 year old cowgirl

"....72 year old"
--What was that Dean?
"The oldest woman I've ever been with was 72 years old."
--How old were you at the time?
--How the fuck did you pull that off?
"Me and a buddy of mine went to this bar, and we saw this old lady dancing around in a Cowboy outfit. My buddy goes over and starts dancing with her, and eventually comes back to me saying this lady wants us to go back to her house, so we did. We get to her place, and she's wearing this see-thru nightgown. She puts on some (I forgot what music he said), and we take turns."

The carpet bitch

I worked from 12-7, and at around 6:30, the carpet department got all busy, and I had to take out a bunch of carpets. There were three groups of people who needed help...(A) The family of 4 who needed 2 big ass carpets (B) The old couple who needed a small outdoor patio rug (the green grass looking shit) (C) The carpet bitch

So group A goes off without too much problem, I help them put their big ass carpets into the cart we have, roll them out front, etc, and walk back inside. The old man from (B) was in the front of the store when I came back, and he said "I saw you were back there, but you were busy, can you come back and help me with a carpet real quick?", so I say sure and go in the back with him.

While I'm back there, the bitch from (C) says "Do you have rope to tie down carpets?" and I say no, and that we only sell like bungee cords and shit. I help the old guy find the carpet he needed, and I manually carry it out of the store (because it was light). I'm outside for a few minutes with him, because I have to cut the cardboard tube the carpet is rolled on for him to get it into his car. His wife gives me a $5 tip, and tells me to buy myself lunch.

Afterwards, I walk into the back of the store to get my shit together, because it was then 7:00 and time for me to leave. As I'm walking out, the bitch from (C) sees me and ...

Lady : "Were you just back in the carpets?"
Me : "Yeah, why?"
Lady : "Me and my husband have been waiting for you for twenty minutes, I saw you back there."
Me : "Uh, ok, hold on."

I guess that by her asking me if we had rope to tie down the carpets, that was her way of saying she wanted to buy one. But I dunno, because most normal people say "Can you help us with..." when they need help, and not just ask a generic question and then leave me alone.

population: 3 ·· welcome to camp

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